I'm an Artist and this is something I have asked myself many times. Other people too have asked me in puzzled tones "Why do you need to make art?" This happens even more when ideas that I try or concepts I'm exploring don't work out. Or just aren't very good. I believe that this genuine curiosity comes from a combination of the under-valuing of creativity and in general people are only consuming fully finished creative projects like movies, music and art. Their lives are filled with art and creativity, but the work and skill that goes into creating that art is invisible and undervalued. There's so much mystery around art and creativity that I can't even count the amount to times friends or people I meet at markets say to me with complete conviction "I'm not creative."

I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD two years ago when I was 38 years old. Along with both my kids, and a large proportion of my extended family, I was actually AuDHD. For years I had not let myself consider the possibility. I was the functional one (kind of) and I only kept ending up in burnout again and again because I just needed to try harder. I just needed to get through today...this week...this month...this year. Then things would get easier. I objectively had a lot on my plate. I had spent so long ignoring my own needs in order to do what I thought was necessary to be liked or loved, that I genuinely didn't know what my actual needs were.

For most of my adult life, I haven't been able to devote large chunks of time to my art. I was restricted by my life circumstances and struggled to develop a regular creative practice. I as working full-time in an office job, had young children to care for, was caring for my disabled and often sick child, pursued a university degree with young children, and tried to navigate the needs of others and my own needs. It was a lot. I struggled to manage it all and felt like a complete failure in so many ways. Art and creativity is the lens through which I made sense of the world and I couldn’t even find time to make any art. If I did manage to make art, it was often objectively not very good.